Swim97

So many people seem to blog and write. They seem to think that it's cathartic or something like that. I tend to agree, but for some reason typing doesn't always get the emotions out. It's not completely cathartic for me all the time. I know many of my friends blog out of necessity. It's their own therapy. For me...not so much.

Right now it's beautiful in SF. That is good for me. I think that the weather affects my personality. Also my happenings affect my personality. In other words, the things going on in my life affect me. So much is going on right now. Will there ever be a time where there isn't so much going on in life? I think not!

So what is this post in my sparse blog going to be about? That is simple: simplicity. I think that we have all gotten away from it. Our lives are so complex now. I have a cellphone, a blackberry, a mac laptop, and a pc laptop. I communicate on my phones, chat programs, live, via blogs, and through email. My address book is so long that I am intimidated to correspond. What ever happened to just having life revolve around your family and neighbors? It's Memorial Day, and I am thinking about how far I am from the America I remember.

Serving in the Navy for 13 years, you move around quite a bit. I never had a chance to settle down. The entire time I was living in a secure microcosm of society. The bases were like small-towm Americas. The commands were like little virtual towns. We had a mayor, a governing body, sometimes restaurants, and citizens. We looked after each other. Now that I am not in the Navy, I am living in a community. I live in the city of San Francisco. Yes I know my neighbors, but I am so connected with people outside of my society here, that I don't know what to do. Also, the virtual gay community isn't all that connected. We are segregated. Twinks, bears, rice, etc all live in their own stove-piped worlds. Very rarely do they mix.

I want a small-town feeling. I want to go out and have women, men, straights, and gays mingling. I want to size-down. I want to minimize. I want to stay in and play Monopoly with some friends. I want to just BE.

Ok, this mind-set will change tomorrow I am sure. This is just where I am at now. It's not a bad place. It's just a place where I am.

San Francisco is beautiful in the spring, summer, and fall. I just can't believe how much rain we have had this winter though. It's been unbelievable. Hence the statement "I can't believe." :-) Anyway, life is going pretty well right now. The job still is tough, but it's getting better. Also, our tenant moved out last week! Now Bill can move in downstairs. That is what made me happiest I think. It just feels like my life has been in overdrive lately. Things are moving past me so quickly. I want it all to slow down so I can enjoy the little things again. It's making me start to miss Orlando and Biloxi. Strange I know. Either way, I shouldn't complain. However, there is a navy saying, "A bitching Sailor is a happy Sailor." Is that true? Should a small amount of complaining be tolerated?

These are two recent pics...not the best though. One is from our 1st Annual St. Patrick's Day Castro Pub Crawl 2006. Dave and I were saying good-bye after a LONG night of drinking. We finally left the group at Metro. The second is from my Vegas weekend on 01 April 2006. I had another LONG night of drinking. At least I ended up ahead in Caribbean Stud!

Well I found out over the past week that people have read this blog. Wow. I do think that I am rather uninteresting (explain that later) at times in my writing. That is probably why I don't receive the volumes of fan mail that I fantasize about in my own play world. Either way, I do this for me (keep telling yourself that Eric). Anyway, many people may or may not know that education is something that I am rather into. Education is a love/hate relationship with me. I love the idea of being educated. I love the idea of saying, "I have the this degree". I love the idea of knowing "stuff". However...I hate studying. Really I do. I also know that there are many people out there who do not have thousands of advanced degrees and are quite brilliant (Jeff). It's just this thing I have. Call me anal (don't go there people), call me shallow (again, don't go there), or call me whatever (you can go there). It's just something that I like. Maybe that is why I am envious of Dave and Tony and other friends. At that same time I know that a Ph.D. is something that I do not crave to attain. Love/Hate! I do have (or soon will have) 2 M.A.'s, but that is different. The first degree was rather easy if you ask me. Looking back I know that it wasn't easy, but I did like the subject matter quite a bit. As for the 2nd degree (MBA), it was freaking hard as hell. I struggled with it and did well. I am through with my classroom studies. Right now I just have to finish my MBA project (thesis not required). I am finished writing it, but there are some revisions that I have to make. Now the stage is set.

My primary project advisor was (notice tense) an ASS: Shank. I don't know how else to state it. He was a know-it-all pompous professor who really did know it all. He pushed me though. He made me better than I thought I could be. He pushed my limits and allowed me to transcend previous abilities. Ok, I am not Einstein, but I do feel I am better because of his classes. Anyway, I wanted someone good to be my primary project advisor. The professors I wanted to do it were busy. Shank was the only one willing. He didn't understand what I wanted to do. He didn't understand that I wasn't going to do a quantitative analysis. He didn't understand that I couldn't devote all my time directly to the project (I was working). He belittled me. He taunted me. He pissed me off.

My secondary project advisor is (again notice tense) wonderful. She is great. LOVE HER. I couldn't have her be my primary though, because she isn't a Ph.D. :-(

About a month ago I received a call from Shank. Long story short...let me summarize the phone call. Remember this is highly dramatized and extremely curtailed.
Me: Hello?
Shank: You are not a mental giant. You are way behind. I am failing you in your project. This is not quantitative analysis.
Me: Hi. I never intended this to be quantitative analysis.
Shank: You need to move on and you write with a lot of negative descriptors (unintersting, less optimal, etc).
Me: Shank, I have spoken with people in the industry who believe I do know what I am talking about. I had to teach myself a new subject.
Shank: Get it done and move on.

This call was about the third in a line of calls like this. He NEVER tried to help me. All he did was criticize me in what I was doing and tell me what he wanted. The only problem is that what he wanted had nothing to do with this project. The idea of this project was a new subject area and field of study. It's something that he wasn't familiar with. Ugh. I know that if you are still reading at this point you may say, "Shank is the advisor...you should do what he says." I agree with that to a point, however we agreed in the beginning that I was going to be doing something different in order to help start a company with Dave.

Here is the apex. Last week I received a phone call at the airport (I was heading to Vegas to see my Dad and some friends). It was my secondary advisor. She called and said that Shank had died. He had a heart attack that morning. (What?) I was shocked. I couldn't' believe it. I actually felt a huge weight leave my shoulders. I hate to say that, but I felt good about his death. I wasn't happy that he died, but I was happy that I didn't have to deal with him. I know that is morbid. I know that is mean. I just honestly felt better.

I encountered the term "BITS" when I was a midshipmen on summer cruise in San Diego. I was assigned to HSL-47. This is a helicopter squadron that flies the SH-60. While perusing documents in the wardroom (the room where the officers meet and relax) I saw the term BITS next to a few of the flights that were scheduled for that week. BITS stood for "Back in the saddle." Basically if someone hadn't flown in a while they had to go through some initial check-offs to make sure they were able to get back to where they needed to be: BITS.

Anyway, I feel like I am on a BITS flight right now. I am slowly getting back to where I used to be in my life. This past year has been so damn emotional and stressful. Dave and I have gone through so much in our lives. We are at the point where we are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. We are realizing that we like it where we are now. We are realizing that we have some great friends. Believe it or not, stress can weigh you down so much that you lose sight of the important things. :-)

So there I am...in my BITS flight right now. I am gaining my old attitude towards life. I am rediscovering my confidence in my work. I am realizing that hard work DOES pay off. I am realizing that there is more work ahead, but I look forward to that work. It's just another stage in life.

This is a pic of me today. I just finished working on my MBA Project. I just wanted to show off the goatee. :-)

Well this weekend has been quite the time! It started off with a fun pub (aka bar) crawl in the Castro on Friday night. Some friends of ours (Tony/Mike...not dating) organized the affair. We had the 1st Annual St. Patrick's Day Pub Crawl. We hit every bar except Midnight Sun in the Castro. Midnight Sun had too long of a line. Anyway, it was a great time. The only thing I will say is that a lot was shared between us all. I am glad to have friends here.

This brings me to my main point tonight. I have friends here. I have always had good friends in my life, but usually they live far away. I was always hesitant to get close to people who lived near me. I feared that I would be whisked away by the Navy to another duty station. I didn't want to get to close to people because I didn't want to have to say goodbye. I know that is crazy. I always hated to rely on people before. My good friends were in other states. Each time I moved, I did realize that I had good friends where I once lived, but it's different now. In San Francisco I have good friends that live here. I don't hesitate calling or texting them. I do it freely and with a smile on my face. I like my friends. The like me. It is a new thing for me. I know that friendship is something that many people take for granted. I don't. I also don't usually make a big deal out of it. Maybe I should.

Also, go see "V is for Vendetta" if you want a good action flick. :-)

Many people have been commenting that I haven't updated my blog in a while. Well, I haven't. It's fact. I just don't always need to pour my heart out to people all the time. I like to though (sometimes...specifically when I drink). With the advent of RSS and other forms of communication lubricants, I am sure that people will know I've updated my blog. Here is what I want people to know:

1. I am happy with the decisions I have made in my life recently.
2. My new job is very stressful. I am enjoying it and hating it at the same time.
3. My MBA has turned out to be a pain in the ass. Some professors are strictly on power trips.
4. My MBA is almost done.
5. The gay drama is grating.
6. The straights in my life have drama too. I guess we can't escape it.
7. Dave is really stressed with his life right now too.
8. The grass isn't always greener on the other side...but getting out of the navy was greener than staying in. Good decision in the end.
9. I value my friends very much. I am so happy to have you (if you are one) in my life. Thank you.
10. My family is AMAZING. I love them.

Ok, this is my 3rd attempt to post an entry. I have been trying to post entries using ecto as my posting program. It has deleted my post twice. I don't know what is going on. Here goes again. This time I'll save my post in word just in case...

Yesterday Dave and I stayed